FAN: (noun)
1 : an enthusiastic devotee (as of a sport or a performing art) usually as a spectator
2: an ardent admirer or enthusiast (as of a celebrity or a pursuit)
Hey, creeps. Today, I want to talk about something that drives me up a wall. One thing I’ve always loved about horror is the community, and the way it all seems huge yet connected, intertwined, and supportive. Because of this, I belong to a bunch of horror fan groups on Facebook, and I frequent all of the main horror sites, as well as horror enthusiasts’ Instagram accounts. I’m no stranger to a horror comment section or two. But lately, I’ve just been running into so many posts that make me start to twitch. The same tired questions and whiny complaints by so called horror fans are making like a shitty deja vu that not even Jessica Rothe could make interesting. I’m done trying to explain or correct, so this is my final word on all of it. Listen up, cuz maybe you’re a culprit of one or two of them. Here we go, the things I’m most sick of hearing from horror fans:
1. [Enter movie title here] Sucked.
It did Not suck. Art is (for the most part) subjective. You may not have liked the movie, and that’s ok, but one man’s trash is another man’s The Shining. It’s ok to admit that it didn’t move you in anyway, that it didn’t do anything for you, or that it simply wasn’t your taste. I fell asleep during Hereditary. Do I think that all of the people who loved it are wrong? Absolutely not. Are you shouting “She didn’t like Hereditary??” right now? If so, check yourself. I never said it was a bad film. Plus, Toni Colette could act her way out of a deal with the devil. That woman is magical.
There are exceptions to this rule. If someone puts out a piece of garbage that is shot on their android, acted terribly, edited poorly, and in no way makes the point they are going for, yeah… that movie probably sucked. But someone out there still liked it, so yknow, it’s still art, I guess.
2. Remakes are Trash.
You like what you like, and you don’t want anyone giving you an updated or opposing version. God forbid, someone makes you think or compare two films. But some movies could use a reboot, and if bringing them back to life in order to make them relative again is wrong, then baby, I don’t wanna be right. My only gripe with remakes is that of course they are going to be less dated, so new generations are going to usually prefer, which can sting sometimes for those of us who watched and loved the originals first. But while I’m all about leaving the magic of some of these films alone, I also say bring it on to any re imagining of films that I love. Was the 2009 remake of Friday the 13th better? Of course not. Was it fun as hell to watch in theatres? It sure beat whatever else was playing that month. And as horror fans, shouldn’t we just want a surplus of the genre, whether it falls flat or not? Yeah, maybe the remake of Child’s Play will suck. But maybe it will be freakin awesome, and they have a new take on it, so I am All In. The worst that will happen, is that you wasted 90 minutes of your life. A remake doesn’t wipe away the original, and you don’t even have to watch it. Stop being a snob. And yeah, I absolutely hated the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake, but I watched it, and then stuffed it deep down into the darkest corner of my mind, never to think about again. (Oh, god, I’m thinking about it…)
Please make it stop…
3. Halloween 3 didn’t have Michael Myers in it.
Guys, it’s 2019. We are all aware by now that Halloween 3: Seasons of the Witch didn’t include Michael Myers. Stop pointing it out and using it as your reason for not liking the film. If you didn’t know by now that John Carpenter’s plans for the Halloween franchise was to make it an anthology series, a quick google search could fill you in. Yes, Michael Myers is epic. He’s my favorite horror villain. Yes, the people loved him and demanded more of him. Yes, they gave in to that and dropped the anthology idea. It doesn’t change the fact that 3 was a really fun, stand alone Halloween film. The premise is fantastic, and there are some cheesy moments, but they make it even better. This is actually a film I would Love to see redone. Not because the original isn’t good enough, but because it’s a good enough story to be refreshed and told in a new way. And maybe, if people saw it in a new light, they could stop bitching about what it lacks, and make an honest judgement call on it. Now strap in, cuz you got me on a subject I need to talk more about.
4. Michael Myers has Morals because he Doesn’t Kill Children.
I don’t kill children either, but I got a D in my junior year morality class. Yes, that’s a thing I can say. I went to a catholic high school and, in place of something useful I’m sure that would have helped me out with figuring out how to do most basic adult things, we had a morality class. The point I’m trying to make is this. Michael Myers is said to be pure evil. He kills, seemingly without rhyme or reason. Every once in a while, we see a kid haphazardly run straight into Michael, and he either ignores them completely, or looks at them in confusion, which is also how he treats the baby in 2018. Did he show compassion by not killing something that has no chance of fighting back? I’m pretty sure that it’s just not interesting enough for him. Also, why do you want him to have morals? Does that make you feel better about loving him? That he only chooses to kill random adults? This makes no sense. Just enjoy the damn slasher flick.
5. Why did the 2018 Halloween Ignore the Sibling Storyline?
Because it was a stupid, trite story line. Little Michael Myers killed his family first, because that’s who he knew first. He started at home, and then moved on. The idea that someone could want to murder you based on nothing is far scarier than having some tie to you. It could still be unfinished business with Laurie from that fateful night, but making the discovery that she was his sister, always seemed forced to me, and less terrifying. Also, if you haven’t read anything in the past two years on Blumhouse’s Halloween, it was a straight sequel to the 1983 film. The sibling revelation was only ever made in the second film, therefore, rightfully ignored.
6. Real Horror Fans [Fill in the blank].
You don’t get to say what real horror fans do and don’t do. As fans, we all just like the thing. Some like certain things more than others, and that’s cool, but there are no rules or guidelines to being a fan. You don’t get to judge other fans in comparison to you. Like I mentioned before, I love this community, but at the end of the day it’s filled with people, and god are they the worst. Can we all just get along already?
Til next time,
🔪Madame of Horror
Madame of Horror 
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